A week before what would be your 41st birthday and I heard this song for the first time. And let me just say, waiting in the pick-up line for your middle-schooler in the parking lot is not a cool look to be crying in your car while listening on repeat. We are living almost five years without …
A Pile of Sawdust
I realize that as I sit and type this, as I let it flow out, there is little context but deep meaning. I’ve read many, many books on grief. From Joan Didion to Nora Borealis. What defines grief? What are the stages? What is the experience like for these two women? Was it greater? Is …
We are living halfway through five years without you…
I haven't had a wave of grief wash over me in what feels like years; though the truth is probably about 5 months ago around your anniversary. A wave began to splash me about four weeks ago. I should know the signs now by now - feeling sensitive, reading too much into people's language, feeling …
Continue reading We are living halfway through five years without you…
It’s Your Birthday, So I Met a Psychic Medium.
You would have been 40 years old today. I had thought of this day years before you died. I thought about what a big milestone 40 is; How I planned the conversation in my head on this day – probably poking fun of you as you reached such a milestone years before I would. You …
Continue reading It’s Your Birthday, So I Met a Psychic Medium.
3 Years and Counting…
It’s been a year since I last (really) reflected on grief. Today, is 3 years. To sum up 3 years would be impossible, a lot has happened this year. Time is moving at warp speed this year and I had two vacations (one week each), both of which were much needed to sit with my …
What Grieving has Taught us…Help!
It has been two years since I last touched his face, two years since I held his hand, two years since I hugged him, told him I loved him, watched him walk out the front door, begged him to come home, and then sat in a hospital room trying to understand how this ended with …
38.
It's been two weeks since your 38th birthday now. I've been needing to write since then but haven't given myself the time - maybe subconsciously because I know how hard this has been. I have honestly been starting and stopping this process since before your birthday even happened. I have been busy writing though, but …
I Think You Would Be Proud.
I can't believe we have a 3rd grader, yet here we are. The first day of school he was ready, excited, and motivated. I on the other hand was nervous and on the verge of tears; also slightly angry and annoyed that you weren't around for support for my irrational thinking of the expectations for third graders.
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The Journey Begins
. I do my best to keep myself busy everyday. Never alone in my thoughts for more than a couple hours. Tonight, I've been sitting here alone for the first time in maybe a year for more than 4 hours and grief has engulfed me again. I hate it. I would never wish this …
